You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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