id be glad to
everyone is single if you try hard enough
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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