Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
