The maid of honor just puked.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
