I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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