I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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