Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
