new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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