Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
