I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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