Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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