So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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