so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
