What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize