You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Shame is for Republicans.
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