I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All the doctor said was why
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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