TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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