he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
