as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
