Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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