i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
