hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
