a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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