Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
