I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
