also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
