I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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