dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
