he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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