from now on my penis is your penis
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am spending my child support on dildos
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize