Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
