Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
