so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
