and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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