Your face is a jimmy john
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
