Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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