Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
