I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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