Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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