Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
