This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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