im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
