hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no. you can't hotbox the world.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
