I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
splinters make it hard to masturbate
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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