Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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