I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
