Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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