I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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