I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
