In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
