Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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