All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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