she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
