I cannot find my penis.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
