I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize