all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
