I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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