It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize