so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
