I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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