last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
