office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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