CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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