Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
