My friends, they love my intelligence
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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