When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
