I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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